“Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor any of these kings;
nor in the future shall any of us cease to be. Bhagavad-gita 2.12
"Before there was, I was."
In the spring of 2008, those words moved from my lips, risen unbidden from a place deep inside me. I said them, heard them, wrote them down, and went back to what I was doing. I saw them many times for weeks but didn't think much more of them because what was there to think? Who was I that clearly wasn't me? Why did that fall out of my mouth? There wasn't an answer to be had.
A few weeks later, God showed up for the second time in my life, again at the kitchen sink and said, "How will you define yourself?" My response was, "What the fuck are you talking about?! I'm Ingrid!" and then grumbled about him not staying long enough to help with the dishes. I had no idea why anyone, least of all God, with whom I had no connection, would ask me that. Again, there was no answer to be had.
Twelve years and multiple integrations later, I've come to know why I was created; prayed into existence and poured into Being, returned.
From 2010 through 2015, I became someone other than an individual named Ingrid over and over again. I had no control over it as I was ripped and blown apart, blown and walked into, I became again and again. Cursing and crying each time.
I am. Again. What began transpiring in 2010 was a reemergence of all of those I have been before, moving into this body, the vessel I am now. Each being that I have been before, each iteration of the Eternal Return, has returned to this vessel for the last time.
Before there was, we were. We are again. We have been prayed into being and poured into existence. For each of us, for all of us.
People have asked many times, "Who are you exactly?" Here is my response:
I am exactly how you see me and how you can't see me.
I am the voice you can't hear when you pray.
I am the being whose essence is the beacon for Beloveds.
I am a force of nature with a healing capacity fueled by those who walked millennia before me
I am the presence that has never left you when you've felt most alone.
I am the hearted-body of ancients and elements.
I need no other name.
I am real.
I am we.
We are many.
We are infinite.
Made of mud and stardust, we have been drummed into the world by a collective heart.
We are those from whom you've separated.
When our feet touch the ground, our heart-hand touches others.
We were before.
We are now.
We are here. Again.
We live and breathe and move as one.
The Mother rising
Straddling two worlds? Really?
There is only one.
Why diminish yourself into multitudinousness
when you can just Be?
Why create a dimensionality you can’t see
to explain you and me?
Belief and disbelief aren’t really.
Think your skin doesn’t house the holy?
and calls your blood
her staircase to rise.
With each heart beat
her heart is yours.
Let The Mother See
You have been shown
The light cannot
Yet, still you won’t see that
All the things you think
broken off bits that
forgot they are a
are a part of God
Don’t hide. Your soul cannot bear it any more.
Inhaling the Mother
Steeped in her majesty
Cupped in her palms
She lifts us to her lips
Inhaling us as we are
The whole God-thing isn’t a one-way thing. There is no bureaucratic organizational chart to climb to meet her or him or them. There aren’t seven layers of angels separating you from that being. Or you from Being.
You are. As she is. You blend with her as seamlessly as the wind dances through the sky. We nourish each other, deplete each other, and dance with varying levels of gracefulness.
We are in relationship beyond worship, judgment, or belief.
And as we are of and with her, we are with each other.