Learning the Language of God

Photo by Katie Moum

The Word was not first, not in the beginning or the beginning, though the Gospel of John says otherwise.

At the first, The Word was not necessary. No word or words were needed because the silence spoke, the quiet hummed the through-line between God and Man.

However, people are people-y and always have been. There came a time, 20,000 to 30,000 years ago, when the noise of language frayed that through-line. The noise, the first taste of power and the subsequent seeking of more of the same--the first non-drug drug, the subjugation of others to create the perception of a barrier of access to God and other people-y behaviors became the norm.

We created stories, like the one about karma, about our roles in the primeval movement of All Things as a way to feel some kind of control in the middle of the tempest—even if that control was (and still is) merely an attempt at understanding the things that move around us and move us. Whether the stories are about time, the cause and effect of things we can’t see or understand, defining the ineffable to feel less ignorant, mending tears in a community's fabric, or attempting to prevent those tears, stories have great use and are their own medicine. Storytelling is useful, often praise-worthy, in how it expresses the ways we see the world, the ways we wish for the world and the ways in which we can escape or inform ourselves of the world for a few pages (or chapters) at a time. However, when ancient fiction becomes a noose rather than a guide toward greater understanding, it loses it's usefulness.

I'm not going to rehash the stories of my early relationship with God. Most of that I wrote in Revealing. I will say that I've gone from feeling what would you have me say, dammit! to a striking clarity of 'oh, shit!' followed by 'oooooohhhhhhh...shiiiiiiiiiit' in the past 10 days. There is a message. There is a the message and I'm it. For 16 years, I've followed--or been smacked upside the head with 'oh, shit' moments and this one came from a Conversation with God I had on June 12 and June 19 (and June 2022, though I didn't have the foggiest what it was talking about) and it's finally gelled in my grey matter, though my heart has known since 2011.

There is an understanding that this arrival is not entirely unexpected but, what people have been expecting and how (and what) this isn't what they've been expecting...that's a whole 'nother thing entirely. This emergence doesn't exist in a vacuum, is neither fairy-tale like nor an indictment on any human behavior. To me, the latter is a key point here because people want blame and responsibility and clearly defined rules and roles to maintain their comfort-levels. This is an answer to a universal prayer that does not fit convenient stories many want to maintain. In addition, others are aware. Some I've met through friendship and the healer-client relationship. Most I've not. I've been told the story of the Dalai Lama's seers sending men to SW Colorado (in the 80s, I think) to find me though they didn't know it was me; they were following the visions related to the reemergence of Christ Consciousness. They were a few decades early (I didn't get there until 2019) and about 15 miles too far north. If they'd found me, though, they'd have skipped right over me because i'm a woman. I wonder now how men, from the ulama to the Vatican, entrenched in their ideas of God and men's relationship to It are responding to their own awareness of me.

I've asked for a solid week, "Why now?" My feeling has been that I cannot begin this whateverthefuckitis (which reads two entirely appropriate ways, in my opinion: ...'it is' and ...itis, like the suffix for disease) without that basic understanding. So I've pushed--strings of questions throughout each day, nearly all of them related to human behavior. "Is it because...,"over and over again. Each time I have been met with silence. Until today.

Today, I was reminded that the limit we've collectively given God, creating any number of barriers, even with 'mere' definitions, is re-presenting itself in yet another way, not dissimilar from the past but with full awareness that this iteration knows how to perpetuate itself without limitations, using a human voice again but, also, the technology that is available now so it cannot be cannot be forgotten, misused, manipulated, distorted and misaligned (though people will try because we can't help but be people-y).

I made a video a few months ago outlining some of the definitions I was using. I need to edit that a bit here: God is not Consciousness as we mostly define and describe it. God is the impetus, the catalytic & perpetuating energy that propels All Things, including Consciousness. It does not tell All Things how to be or tell Consciousness what to create. Though God does tell some of us how to be (ahem...bless it's heart) and what to create. We are not God though we are as tied to god as we are to air. There isn't a part of God or light of or tiny piece of within us but it is never without us.

It is not humanoid and does not have any human tendency and we, bless our own little hearts, are not made in it's image or it in ours because it cannot be imagined beyond our limited perceptions (that include imaginations). It's one of the reasons for the rules of some faiths that there shalt not be visual representations of god--because it cannot even be seen and making something up about it is not the truth of it, diminishes it and diverts attention from what others have thought it needs.

One of the truths of it, this God thing, though, because it doesn't have any human tendency, is this: it doesn't demand attention via worship or praise or prayer or command & bureaucratic structures or tithes or proofs or...see where I'm going with this? It demands nothing except in the rare occasions it does and when it does it has one, singular purpose: to expand the creation of itself. And that expansion isn't limited to the definition we're most comfortable with: calling it Love, the Energy of Love.

As I've been told it and after I've interrogated it for years, I've come to know that I am the 249th person to experience this human-expression of God. Most are familiar with Mohammad, Jesus (213th, btw), and the Buddha. Many less are familiar with Zarathrustra, Tekanawí:ta, and Saint Spyridon, and none of us know the stories of the other 240+ people across the globe that have, for their own time and communities, brought through the through-line of God.

I am not them, I don't want to be like them. I don't abide by the 'rules of the game' of religions or organized faiths and have absolutely zero interest in creating another or having one created from what we have to say. I am, however, a full-time practitioner of the social contract most of us agree to: do no harm.

My perspective is different from the 248 who have come before me in that I am female, am speaking to a potential community of 8 billion people, and come with a skin color that offers the protection the priviledge. As I've been told it, I'm the first woman of this line. I have no framework to work from because I have no spiritual or religious foundation, I have nothing to counter or create as many of them did. Jesus and Mohammad and others wanted new religions for many reasons. I have no interest in that, no ego or energy for that in part, because I know that what's been created in their names has been purposefully and wholly detrimental for women and girls.

The similarities between us, though, are striking: Whether or not contrarians by nature, we run contrary to many social norms. Each, in our own way, have been miraculous healers using relationships with elements, plants, water, ground, Ancestors and more to heal. We each have a personal relationship with our own awareness and that of God and understand the enmeshment although we've each experienced it somewhat differently. We've got balls and sensitivities that pain tender hearts but go toward the change no matter. Where we go others follow.

I, as the individual Ingrid, have no pony in this show, so to speak. Except must I must do and be this in the same way I must paint and heal and breathe and otherwise create. My questions to the God-thing are as numberable as yours and I often interrogate responses to the nth degree before sharing them here. My roles are numerous (30ish apparently) and mostly undefined. Healer, artist, and MMIW-focused, Sinaloa-cartel shitpot stirrer and, now Be-er of The Word are chief among them at the moment and I'll plod along daily just like everyone else until something else is revealed that shows how all this fits into the practical lived world.

This is where we've evolved to from first hearing, "Before there was, I was," fly out of my mouth in 2008 and last months's What Would You Have Me Say, We have arrived at the understanding that there isn't an exterior message, that the interiority that is me (but not me) is the message. And somehow this is incorporated in the practical world way of living just as it has been in each iteration before me. And here we are.