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You guys scare me. And amuse me. And then scare me again.

Because this almost made me snarf!! Pee first, then read.

I was very sad recently when google stopped tracking search terms like they used to because I always loved seeing the utterly fucked-up things people were searching for that led them to this page.  Then last week I switched my blog over to WordPress and found out that they track and report my search terms.  And there was great joy in the land!  From me.  Because I found the rum Victor hid.  And also because I love looking at search terms.  I only have about 7 days worth of searches, but already it’s already gloriously confusing and I thought I’d share with you.  Because I’m generous.  And because you scare me.

Strangest things people searched for this week that led them to

“missing snake”  (Well, that’s disconcerting on several levels.)

“why is my left buttcheek bigger than than the rights buttcheek?” (Huh.)

“why are people holding twine” (More…

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