Love In Action: God's Plan Through Me

Love in action is about service without limits. Without judgments, without borders, without religion as a template for deserving.

I’ve been quietly in service for about 20 years. I’m not one for flashy or tooting my own horn, though I’ve wanted others to do that more than they have. I’ve healed across a hundred thousand miles, between coasts and across cultures while also joking that my love of earth tones helps me blend into the background. Perhaps in addition to being a symbol of my interconnected nature to landscapes it’s also been unintentional camouflage.

I’ve been caught in the webs of cartels in action in Indian Country fomenting fear for the masses and profits for the few. I’ve sliced myself to bleed on Sleeping Buffalo and other sacred ground when called to do so. I’ve sung songs and prayers in languages I’ve never heard. My hands have cured illness through touch and paintbrush. I’ve prophesied and am a prophecy that’s been prayed into being. I’ve spent so many years meeting the pain of the world. The ground, the waters, the humans individually and as collectives have held me in the position of submission long before I was told to “Wait for God”.

It’s taken me eighteen years to accept that what I’ve been pushed into is real and right and of the truest true. For those 18 years, I’ve doubted and denied; been hollered at by God and hollered right back calling it everything but a child thereof. I’ve blasphemed my way through every barrier put in front of me out of sheer bullheadedness, naïveté and trust that makes no sense to anyone else.

I’ve been so quiet, despite seeking the attention and making noise in what have felt like the right ways, that I feel like I’ve disappeared myself, nearly erasing my own history and future despite it’s fantastical nature. Because is my life or purpose real or am I real if no one sees or cares?

In 2008, weeks after God spoke “Before there was, I was” through my own mouth, Uriel walked into my kitchen (though I thought he was God at the time), and asked me, “How will you define yourself?” I was pissed that someone would be so rude, not thinking that Ingrid-as-Ingrid-was was enough and then leave me hanging for the next 18 years.

For the same number of years, I’ve interrogated everything brought to me as Truth because I thought it couldn’t possibly be, that I couldn’t possibly be this thing that’s been broken and blown apart and turned in hands that aren’t mine into something that it is now. What I’ve been told and shown and shoved into is dirty and gritty and fierce and mythical and lightning-filled; it crackles into other people’s awareness leaving a question mark behind. But it is my life and it’s the opposite of the bleached white that passes for most ideas of spiritual. There’s no still meditation-like stillness when addressing Kali Ma’s universal rage.

Norms are meant to be shattered, especially those with foundations of fear-sand and that, apparently, is the legacy that each of us that do this work bring through.

I know myself and yet I don’t know myself at all, in the way that Archangels and smaller angels and dead girls do. There are no rules of the game, no game in fact, but there sure is war and peace and a strange mix of the two together. I don’t even know my name, the definition that I need to explain myself to others. How do I define a thing that has no borders, that doesn’t fit?

I think of all the women who have had their names taken away because who they are is merely in relation to men: daughter of then bride of then mother of another. I think of my very first name: Tóbájíshchíní or Born of Water, and how, though it speaks the truth, that truth is not welcomed either because it can’t be understood when we judge life-things without the context of spirit-things farther afield like spirit-beyond-the-rules.

Different faiths have called me different things, expecting me to show up like a man that resembles all the other men held as holy. I am not that though I resemble them in nearly every way other than body.

I feel like I’m a walking contradiction that borders on being a hypocrisy. Human + holy = was what’s been prayed for yet I’m a hot mess of ‘figure-it-out-ness’ when the job’s been given but there’s no title, salary or HR manual. Thee water cooler is overflowing but coworkers aren’t here.

I’ve recently been reminded about the precision with which the universe works, how creation creates without mistake. There’s no error or supposition, merely a certainty without thought that pushes each being into being. For me it’s occurred in stages and we’re moving into the final thirty years where we grow from foundations planted years ago.

In April there wasn’t a seismic shift when I had my “I believe” experience despite my body quaking and heaving on the floor. There was an acquiescence that came with my own words directed at me, “Put up or shut up.”

Since April, I’ve kept thinking that all that’s been blown into me and woven through me will magically rise into form like a perfect sourdough and someone will see the delight of it, the existence of it in a way that will affirm me to the world. I don’t know when to ‘not reach’ for attention or money and when to do just that. I’m leaning into Archangel’s and others’ directions because they see something better that I can’t yet; because they can see the precision of threads into matter and social movements.

However, I’m coming into the understanding that I am transparently obvious to some people and that has also been a contributing factor to stepping forward in this way, essentially announcing myself into a different kind of presence, without the fear of judgment linked to past experiences. It’s opening the way for the electric introductions, I hope, beyond the contraction around, “WTF is that?!”

So, how does one Be God in a way that’s outside the attempts at making God itself acceptable, more egalitarian and the ideas that keep it small? How do I keep myself from sliding into the ease of making myself and God palatable to the masses when it’s the masses that want it to show up in the expected way?

All I can do now is lean in and let go.

Some things I can plan, some things I cannot. I can research and plan ahead for a global basic income. I can’t see how I’m going to eat tomorrow but UBI is doable and necessary, according to Uriel so I lean in. And, for reasons that remain a mystery to me, while in the state of the former it feels entirely reasonable and natural to lean into a future I cannot see. Because I know how it impacts the lives of girls and women around the world.

I cannot plan on how the Sinaloa/CJNG cartels or Al Qaeda are dismantled because those rely on other people to join and, so far, though they’ve received information from me, there’s not been reciprocal communication in the way that supports Jesus’ contention that those relationships are foundational for all of this work and there’s already a team to bring it all together.

As things stand now, The Plan, in no particular order:

• Global Universal Basic Income: At $1250-2000K per month equivalent

• Global Electronic and print media campaign in 300+ languages about the harms of sexual abuse of girls and women

• Global Electronic ad campaign and podcast tour to educate men and boys about sexual abuse of children

• Eradicate Sinaloa/CJNG cartels and lay bare the Fuckery network in Indian Country

• Indian Country/First Nations-specific in-person campaign in educating men/boys and healing women and girls

• Building from #4 & #1, eradicating sexual slavery of women and girls

• Ending all other forms of slavery

• Eradication of Al Qaeda

• The creation of Elder care housing using existing infrastructures

•  Funding of rural medical services using existing infrastructure, bridging traditional healing methods and western medicine

• While traveling around the globe, bringing the Memories back home.

This is the work of love in action. No tithing required, no expensive baubles to convince people that they can buy their way to direct experiences of God or get closer to God by touching a guru. I’m not that, don’t want to be like that.

We have relied on systems of extraction and subjugation and distortion to ‘spread the word’ for centuries. We’re not going back to that.

This is what’s next.

This is why I’m here and why I am the way I am.

The image attached to this is my Onur Polat on Unsplash. I've used it here because Mount Nemrut is an example of syncretized faith-imagery and our relationships to God, gods and each other.