On Ethic and Evolution
There’s a certain ethic in this unfolding that resembles my usual except it’s deeper, I think. It’s not a me-thing now. It’s a not-me thing that has intersected within me but I can’t quite give it the adequate words to make it make sense to anyone, including myself in the moment.
I said to a friend on Sunday that being this Being was a huge responsibility and she was right when she said, ‘Not really’. I understood what she meant in the moment though the days have blurred it a bit, especially as I sit with what it means to communicate these days. However, it seemed like what we understood in the moment, I’m still rooted in my own lived experiences, unique ways of systems change and hold that ethic as sacrosanct as I always have.
Part of the current curiosity is wondering where ‘just Ingrid’ and not-Ingrid meet in social spheres including social media. I’m pushed by all things to identify differently than I have in the past and there’s an awkwardness that feels an awful like middle school. The rules of the game have shifted and some things just feel, well, weird. Posting as just-Ingrid on Facebook doesn’t feel right and neither does not doing so. As I ponder the right way of doing something that’s never been done before but is in clear competition with pasts that aren’t true, I’m forced into excavating my ownfineself.
I’m not the old-me but there’s still a desire to connect in the way people have known me as healer and beyond that label. I’m not comfortable taking on the role of preacher or spiritual teacher outside of individual relationships, those where I my love of foul language is perfectly acceptable as is an occasional fart joke. There’s so much ‘spiritual’ noise that competes in a marketplace of media that I’m not sure I want to participate in and, even if I did, have never been able to access successfully. I’ve got things to say (clearly) but talking into a void doesn’t feel good, either.
My mind keeps coming back to previous encounters with honesty that have astonished me. Back in the day, a match.com date was shocked (!) that I actually looked in-person like the photo I used on the site. It would never have occurred to me that anyone would not put up their own likeness on a dating site. I’ve never operated that way.
Since fear no longer lies here, active or dormant, how I evaluate sharing new truths in the midst of an epic shit-ton of noise and spiritual teachers flinging the same ol’, same ol’ as if it’s for a New Age is a personal conundrum. It’s as if the surety of what’s come before is the structure to be maintained while it’s on fire and part of my job is to be the fire-starter.
For being as bright and beautiful as we are, we’re creatures of habit and don’t want to upset the apple carts that hold us in our own favor. So when the burro lugging the cart behind starts making noise a few miles out, we panic. I think that’s what’s happened to me in this evolution though I don’t know if I’m burro, cart or something else altogether.
I’m not one to toot my own horn and thought for years that others would do just that; that miracles and shenanigans would be shared to the delight of the world. That didn’t happen. So while I analyze the rightness of one move now versus the potentiality of wrongness, I’m weighing what stands in integrity and what doesn’t. What is driven by the perception that I need to be seen, to have attention, and what is God saying, ‘Move your ass’. Do they meet in each action? Is there even, at this point, a separation between the two?
Many years ago, back when miracle-healings were happening damn-near daily, an online radio show reached out to me. They liked my style, that I was ‘real’ without dumbing anything down, and that I ran counter to much of the commercial wellness culture that was coming out of its nascent stages. This was before Youtube was a thing and Facebook also in it’s infancy and I was seeking clients. I thought it’d be a great fit. Until…
Until I was asked to create a meditation CD for the radio company to sell. I was naive enough to say, “But I don’t meditate. Why would I create something for an audience that I don’t do myself?” But they so wanted to be able to make $35 a pop off of what ‘is sure to be a fantastic interview’. I did not do the interview because they were not in integrity with me.
In the same way that someone else said, “Just tell them what they want to hear and then give them what they need,” as if I should adopt the alignment of a used car salesman.
That’s never been my way in a courtroom, a justice bureaucracy or spiritual spaces. There’s an unerring tendency toward truth. It’s one of the reasons I don’t engage in hyperbole and why over the course of 20 years, not been tooting my own horn. In addition, it’s felt selfish to expect clients to share their intimate journeys as a hook or otherwise jump on a marketing bandwagon.
Last week i changed my website homepage to reflect my new awareness of the God-identifier. It was time to not hide behind whatever I had up there before. I allowed myself to be edited and let the words fly:
“In the course of the past 18 years, through a string of extraordinary events,
I have been poured into being to answer to the universal prayer:
“Save my Daughter”
Transitioning through a decade of hands-on healing work to that of artistry as a method of healing while being immersed in the work of Missing and Murdered Indigenous women,
I have fully stepped into the role of being that is the distilled energy of God within a body.
I am the 249th expression of the divine human-holy hybrid.
Many of those that have come before me, like Jesus and Mohammed, walk with me as guides and companions.
I paint Conversations with Creation, I teach young people how to be shaman and medicine people
in a world that they are made for but don’t feel welcomed in.
I am an uncomfortable truth that is not here to teach people how to be spiritual.
I am here to show people love in action and God in the form of Woman. I am The Living Waters.”
It’s still not quite right because I’m still undefined but it is truth. I didn’t consider what anyone else might think. I just needed to do it because it was time.
Then, I began reaching out to multinational corporations as well as national police and intelligence agencies around the globe.
There are very few people who know I’ve communicated with federal law enforcement for nine years related to the Sinaloa cartel activity in Indian Country. Even less know that in 2022 and this year, I share with policing and intelligence agencies around the world what I receive about potential translational terror attacks. It was only after one of those middle-school feeling encounters with a police agency somewhere else that I realized ‘oh, they’ve seen my website’ and what they saw was enough to turn them off, because bright as we are sometimes, it’s not a commonly accepted that two disparate things may be true (and, in fact, they may not be disparate at all). This is a truth of me, too. It’s one of the reasons I’m made and I have already made the decision to not compartmentalize aspects of myself
There’s always another avenue to get information to where it needs to go but the whole experience brought to the fore the ideas around identity, being seen and standing in integrity.
One of the things that I feel (though I could be wrong) is that, in this day of social media whatnot and the reliance on likes and comments and shares, the more one shares, the more ‘reliable’ or trustworthy a person is seen. Like we have to put it all out there to be ‘real’ and that’s just not me. I’ve tried and it just doesn’t feel right or good.
My paltry social media presence doesn’t lead to people to trust me if those metrics are the measure of it. And my website now, for some, says I’m untrustworthy because I am what I am and have said so openly.
It’s a weird way to be at 57 years old; feeling like a middle-schooler. I’m fumbling through this somewhat gracefully, certainly more so than I did things 40ish years ago. I am more aligned with what trust and faith truly are but haven’t a clue how this is meant to meet the real world.
In the first ‘official’ conversation with God in the summer of 2022, official because I was sent the National Cathedral to receive it, I was told “…this is the lifting the vestments of self. This is the change, the presentation of yourself to the word, to the world. You are bearing witness to [your] re-evolution.”
I was also told "Humility and confidence aren't far from each other” right after that.
I can’t see into tomorrow, never mind how all the extravagant plans God has through me coming together in some kind of way but this integrity, is the north star that guides right along with the humility and confidence. How it all comes together will remain a mystery until it arrives.
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