Truths and Transparency

As i move through fear

I’ m choosing to explore this excavation-evolution publicly for a number of reasons. One, as I compare (I know, I know) how others have done things and how I want to do things, the clearest guide to truth is transparency. Like, I said earlier, the things related to national & international security, very few need to know about. I don’t need an NDA to know what’s right and wrong to say to Joe Q public. However, the rest I’m going to lay out. Because I want people to get reacquainted with trust, to know how this isn’t some fly by night excursion whereby sunshine and sparkle farts move through the world on demand, a whim of someone’s desire. In the past, spiritual leaders have shared the cleaned up version of things that offer a label of sanctity for others, a kind of security to be had under a shared umbrella of experience or ideals. The bleached version is what I call it. This ain’t that.

Beyond what I call the costumes of spirituality, there is something deeper that has no name but everyone wants to create in their image. I’m not even talking God yet. It has nothing to do with wearing white or white-ified distortions of global indigenous practices so that they ‘fit’ into a comfortable narrative. It’s knowing the difference between true and truth and standing in the latter while acknowledging the former can also, does also, exist in many circumstances.

Years ago, back when I used to have an official FB page, I was sharing another aspect of this process and a woman who I’d never met, hollered in ALL CAPS, “YOU ARE HERE!” There was a desperation that came with that but I knew, just knew, I wasn’t yet. I knew, even though I didn’t fully believe at the time that I wasn’t the one to say when I was anything. I knew then that there are processes that must be grown through. I’m making my way through the last one right now and it’s uncomfortable. It was so uncomfortable yesterday that I could hardly be in my own skin.

It took Harry saying to me a year ago, ‘fear and love cannot exist together’ for it really to gel for me how I needed to change to receive this energy, to grow into it. Despite my utter distaste for how Jesus came at me around the same time with similar reasoning, His direction was absolutely necessary to get me to each stage that’s occurred since then. I was told “Don’t you DARE” reapply for food stamps and Medicare. Since then, I’ve also been instructed to not go to the food bank, to I felt the desperation both times as direction to ‘get on with it” and was told in another conversation with God last summer:

"We are going to teach you how not to be afraid whether there's evidence to support it or not. Your job is to follow and listen…

There is a timeline. Your participation is key. But you can choose the other way. But why? Everything around you is saying, trust, trust, trust. There is nothing interfering with that beyond your own perception and fear. That fear is grounded in the wrong perception. Do as I say. Bitch all you want, but do it. Breath and bravery. If you can take on a cartel, you can take this on.

There is no lie here. The timing may be off on some things… receive, listen, attach when it's necessary. And it's not often necessary. There are lots of voices. There is a lot of need. You are more than one. Breathe. Hold onto nothing but me. You are right in that you lack sovereignty. Follow and change the world. Don’t, in trouble… (For the rest, click through.

I marvel how in conversations with folks who don’t know me well, they bring a level of insight that astonishes me. A few weeks ago, a new friend said the word ‘precision’ and it brought such instant clarity that I now see it in everything I’m guided to and what i receive and to whom it goes (and when). And, precision is, well, precisely how this comes together. Precision I have no control over, no separation from and the limits that impatience brings.

In addition to transparency, there’s an element that feels a lot like managing other people’s expectations. Though I will still teach Becoming the Medicine to select people, I will not delve into the self-help that Jesus and others have in the past. I’m not one to answer what I consider nonsense questions to help people reaffirm some inconsequential whatnot they want to believe.

There’ll be a book or four but none will be A Course in Miracles-like. We’re going to be moving and engaging at scale and as I type that I don’t know exactly what that means. Each day brings new awareness so I may know precisely (see what I did there?) what it means.

I do know that Jesus and I will be working together both with those individuals I teach and in the larger community and that feels more like social media than anything else at the moment. I don’t know what that looks like, either, since it seems like I’m talking into the ether much of the time.

One of the boundaries I’ve set is that I’m not going to do a repeat of how He came through as Raj and other iterations. We’ve had enough of that.

Today, so far, is less uncomfortable than yesterday. I couldn’t tell you why. Perhaps those dregs of fear have been dug out and discarded so that this Big Love can move with ease. When I asked a question yesterday as I was dancing around faith and doubt Uriel said, “If you’re not in disappointment or despair, what are you in?” I responded, “I guess this is faith” and his response was something like an unspoken ‘duh’. So, perhaps, all things within mind and body received that understanding and relaxed into it. Perhaps I’m through this part of the process. I have no way of knowing except to keep going, to lean into how Uriel leads.

There’s no evidence that what I need is going to show up in a form that I have familiarity with. Where I am now is in curiosity and something resembling patience and faith in a precision that I can’t see until the fruits of it appear. What I do know with certainty is that there’s nothing in me that can go back to the way I was doing things even a month ago. I’m past that and look forward to the prophecy of ease in this way.

I’ m choosing to explore this excavation-evolution publicly for a number of reasons. One, as I compare (I know, I know) how others have done things and how I want to do things, the clearest guide to truth is transparency. Like, I said earlier, the things related to national & international security, very few need to know about. I don’t need an NDA to know what’s right and wrong to say to Joe Q public. However, the rest I’m going to lay out. Because I want people to get reacquainted with trust, to know how this isn’t some fly by night excursion whereby sunshine and sparkle farts move through the world on demand, a whim of someone’s desire. In the past, spiritual leaders have shared the cleaned up version of things that offer a label of sanctity for others, a kind of security to be had under a shared umbrella of experience or ideals. The bleached version is what I call it. This ain’t that.

Beyond what I call the costumes of spirituality, there is something deeper that has no name but everyone wants to create in their image. I’m not even talking God yet. It has nothing to do with wearing white or white-ified distortions of global indigenous practices so that they ‘fit’ into a comfortable narrative. It’s knowing the difference between true and truth and standing in the latter while acknowledging the former can also, does also, exist in many circumstances.

Years ago, back when I used to have an official FB page, I was sharing another aspect of this process and a woman who I’d never met, hollered in ALL CAPS, “YOU ARE HERE!” There was a desperation that came with that but I knew, just knew, I wasn’t yet. I knew, even though I didn’t fully believe at the time that I wasn’t the one to say when I was anything. I knew then that there are processes that must be grown through. I’m making my way through the last one right now and it’s uncomfortable. It was so uncomfortable yesterday that I could hardly be in my own skin.

It took Harry saying to me a year ago, ‘fear and love cannot exist together’ for it really to gel for me how I needed to change to receive this energy, to grow into it. Despite my utter distaste for how Jesus came at me around the same time with similar reasoning, His direction was absolutely necessary to get me to each stage that’s occurred since then. I was told “Don’t you DARE” reapply for food stamps and Medicare. Since then, I’ve also been instructed to not go to the food bank, to I felt the desperation both times as direction to ‘get on with it” and was told in another conversation with God last summer:

"We are going to teach you how not to be afraid whether there's evidence to support it or not. Your job is to follow and listen…

There is a timeline. Your participation is key. But you can choose the other way. But why? Everything around you is saying, trust, trust, trust. There is nothing interfering with that beyond your own perception and fear. That fear is grounded in the wrong perception. Do as I say. Bitch all you want, but do it. Breath and bravery. If you can take on a cartel, you can take this on.

There is no lie here. The timing may be off on some things… receive, listen, attach when it's necessary. And it's not often necessary. There are lots of voices. There is a lot of need. You are more than one. Breathe. Hold onto nothing but me. You are right in that you lack sovereignty. Follow and change the world. Don’t, in trouble…"

I marvel how in conversations with folks who don’t know me well, they bring a level of insight that astonishes me. A few weeks ago, a new friend said the word ‘precision’ and it brought such instant clarity that I now see it in everything I’m guided to and what i receive and to whom it goes (and when). And, precision is, well, precisely how this comes together. Precision I have no control over, no separation from and the limits that impatience brings.

In addition to transparency, there’s an element that feels a lot like managing other people’s expectations. Though I will still teach Becoming the Medicine to select people, I will not delve into the self-help that Jesus and others have in the past. I’m not one to answer what I consider nonsense questions to help people reaffirm some inconsequential whatnot they want to believe.

There’ll be a book or four but none will be A Course in Miracles-like. We’re going to be moving and engaging at scale and as I type that I don’t know exactly what that means. Each day brings new awareness so I may know precisely (see what I did there?) what it means.

I do know that Jesus and I will be working together both with those individuals I teach and in the larger community and that feels more like social media than anything else at the moment. I don’t know what that looks like, either, since it seems like I’m talking into the ether much of the time.

One of the boundaries I’ve set is that I’m not going to do a repeat of how He came through as Raj and other iterations. We’ve had enough of that.

Today, so far, is less uncomfortable than yesterday. I couldn’t tell you why. Perhaps those dregs of fear have been dug out and discarded so that this Big Love can move with ease. When I asked a question yesterday as I was dancing around faith and doubt Uriel said, “If you’re not in disappointment or despair, what are you in?” I responded, “I guess this is faith” and his response was something like an unspoken ‘duh’. So, perhaps, all things within mind and body received that understanding and relaxed into it. Perhaps I’m through this part of the process. I have no way of knowing except to keep going, to lean into how Uriel leads.

There’s no evidence that what I need is going to show up in a form that I have familiarity with. Where I am now is in curiosity and something resembling patience and faith in a precision that I can’t see until the fruits of it appear. What I do know with certainty is that there’s nothing in me that can go back to the way I was doing things even a month ago. I’m past that and look forward to the prophecy of ease in this way.

I'm in a liminal space like these glasses on a light pole. Can't see what's ahead, looking a little lost, feeling a little out of place and removed from what I can't see yet.