Finding my voice
Simplicity seems to baffles many folks. Because we want to understaaand stuff. The hows of stuff. The whys of stuff. How does it fit with what I think I already know? Which box of life-data do I put this information in so that it makes sense to me?
This concept has become stronger over the course of the past few weeks as I moved through a strain of viral yuck. As I recovered, I moved from literally losing my voice (sounding far too much like a toad for my liking) to figuratively finding it. I learned that I’ve been speaking not to stand out and be heard, but to merely fit in–a habit that I’ve spent a lifetime repeating, apparently. Talk about a “D’OH!” moment.
This realization came to me when I was reading a Washington Post Magazine article while waiting for a plane to take me to Denver. The realization pushed me further when I was asked by a new friend in Denver how to explain to others what I do so that they understand. I forced myself to say what I’ve thought of saying before but didn’t. Usually I try to couch things in a way that people feel comfortable with–using ‘spiritual’ language or metaphysical terms or religious iconography. This time, I just said, “I breathe.” Eyebrow raised in response, OnePaw waited for further explanation. Then, I found myself back in the same pattern–trying to use words that just don’t work to describe what I do, trying to make someone else more comfortable with their ‘unknown’. I suppose sitting at a bar, drinking a beer (or three) with a woman who claims to ‘just breathe’ and heal others maybe is just a little on the ‘unknown’ side of things, though. Who knows?
Here’s what I do know. I breathe. That’s it.
It just so happens that when I breathe, the essence of all that is, God, the Universe, the Ground of Being, Source, whatever the Flavor of the Day is, moves through me and, in turn, moves through others. And lives change, people. That’s it. It’s magic is in its simplicity.
From now on you won’t hear me mimicking the voice of others so that yet others feel comfortable or can stay in their bubble box of life-stuff.
What you will hear is my truth grounded in experience and the universal truth moves through me and sometimes manifests in words. It does just so happen that my Voice–the truth within and without–is shared by many. It has been over the course of human existence. However, it is heard by few and understood by less. Only sometimes, though.
Because God’s unwieldly love cannot be contained in words you want or think you need to hear. When the vastness of God meets the restriction of our own humanity, words cannot hold it. The best we can do is find the moments that rhyme with the experience of His/Her/Our love.
Father Boyle of Homeboy fame has asked …”Who can explain this moment, when the utter fullness of God rushes in on you–when you completely know the One in whom ‘you move and live and have your being’?”
When I breathe, that’s what happens. That’s it.
It’s how I live, how I move through daily life–fully conscious of my connection to all that is, to everyone. It feel it at every fiber, at all times. It and I may not make much sense to others. But, for me, it’s the only thing that makes sense. It fits in no box & can’t be contained in words. It is, however, an experience that I want to share with everyone.
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