This morning I was wakened
in a dream
with both gratitude and grief.
The knowledge of how much your presence and your absence in my life
has always meant to me
Brought a teary-eyed smile
and I knew love.
I just didn’t know it
The night before last was a fitful one. One dog barked until 1:00 AM. Another one carried the chorus until two-ish. Bleary-eyed, I let the whole herd out at 4:30 and was, blessedly, allowed to go back to sleep. Finally.
And you entered my head. Again. You keep popping up in such a way that you may as well apply for permanent residence.
In my head. In my dream bed. The one you crawled into early this morning. Slipped in behind me, slid your hands into mine and held on to me as tightly as I should have held on to you.
And, in that dream-not-dream moment, I knew that I’d known love from the first person who ever saw me. Really saw me. Who kept me from drowning and lit my way long ago.
I love you.